Mar. 17th, 2004

x_marrow: (broken.)
So. Yesterday was not such a good day.

Every once in a while I need somebody to hold my hand while I try to stop second-guessing myself. (She makes it so damned easy to do. I shouldn't be here, they shouldn't be here... we don't fucking belong here, sometimes I believe it. I have to, she's as close to a mother as I ever had.) It's a terrifying thought that one of these days I'm going to fail them all again, that I won't be ready to do what I need to when the time comes. Sometimes I can't shake the feeling that I already am failing them, really. By this time, Artie would have been well into training down in the tunnels, but I can't bring myself to do it. Artie and Leech haven't seen the tunnels since they left, and I haven't done anything about that either. Leech doesn't remember his own mother, and I'm not sure I could look her in the face today and explain why I haven't taken him to see her yet...

...right. I'm better today. I have to be.

Addendum: Maybe I'll stay away from the porch swing for a while. I'm having enough problems fighting back a panic attack without inducing them. Besides, it's not helping any.


x_marrow: (Default)
Sarah Morlocke

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